Comment Wall

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  1. Hi there!
    Your portfolio seems very creative! I would highly suggest placing an introduction page into the project so that the reader has an idea of where the stories are going to go, what a theme would be, and why you chose to write about what you did. Also, Story 1 begins with the title "Week 3 Story Continued".. what was the original part? You seem to talk about the original in your author's notes, which is great, but maybe put those at the top of the page so that the reader knows where you're coming from before beginning the story. Your story with Octavio was very clear and I love how you set the scene before going into the action of the story. Also, the idea to take on the Odyssey is brave but so full of great twists and turns that can make the story recreation possibilities endless! Great job!

  2. Hey Wesley,
    The Odyssey is one of my favorite tales from any folklore and myth and I am excited to see it retooled in a different way! I like the direction you are taking with Octavio and his crew in the land of the giants but am left a little lost as to where they came from. Similar to what Rachel commented, I would love to see a little more backstory in an introduction page so I can better understand the character and setting. Another question I would like answered is where Octavio came upon all this knowledge of the giants? Was this common knowledge for people in this world, did he learn it from a man who escaped the giants, was he guessing? One other thing is that there were several grammar and/or spelling errors throughout the story that you might want to look into. I know I have become overly reliant on auto-correct to clear those up for me and when it is not available my writing often suffers (the auto-correct in both Blogger and Google sites is quite sub-par). I do love the direction you are taking and am very excited to see where this story will go! Happy writing!

  3. Hi Wesley!
    I'm looking forward to seeing where this story ends up going! It looks like you've got a great start here and I liked that you ended the first story on a cliffhanger, allowing you to set up an exciting battle for the next one. I have a few thoughts on the layout of your website as you continue tweaking your project. You can think about adding a different banner image to the homepage to relate to the Odyssey or other Greek artwork. The banner image could also be changed on your first story since that image is already in the body of the page. I actually like the author's note being at the bottom of the page so it doesn't detract from the main story and style of the website, but that's probably personal preference. So far, I think this is a great start, and I'm excited to see the finished product!

  4. Hey Wesley,
    I always liked hearing the stories of Odysseus but never found an opportunity to read all of them. Perhaps I will get a chance to do so in this course. I am somewhat familiar with this story, but I read the Voyages of Sinbad and there was a story almost the same as this. I think it was actually adapted from Homer’s Odyssey way back when it was written. It seems like you have a pretty good start to your story though and I liked the suspense you ended with. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes because there is a lot to work with not only in this story alone, but also in the original adventures of Odysseus. Maybe you could fill us in on how Octavio became so knowledgeable so quickly about the giants? I think I remember Odysseus being a tactical genius or something like that so it really could be as simple as saying something like that. Other than that, well done!

  5. Hi Wesley,
    I really like your idea to retell the classic Cyclops story in a new way. I like the treasure chest as an incentive to get past the sleeping giant, and I’m very curious to see if and how Octavio will find a way to do it! As I read your story, I was wondering about who Octavio was, how he acquired his crew, and why they were on a journey. Some background information on that could be helpful, as previous commenters have also noted. One thing you might also consider doing is taking out some unnecessary details. Does the reader really need to know that much about the giants’ lifestyle? Or that the crew hunted boar? Replacing some of this information with more description of Octavio, the giant, the cave, or the gods might make your story more interesting. I’m excited to see what you do with it!

  6. Hi Wesley.
    As I was reading your story, I thought to myself how much it sounded like Odysseus and the Cyclops. I like that you are retelling those stories. I could picture the sleeping giant and the treasure chest that lays behind him. You have a really good start to your story and left a cliffhanger which makes your readers want more. Some suggestions I have is adding some background information on Octavio and the giants. I'd like to know more about the Sun god and their power. What kind of crew did he have? Were they smart and strong like Octavio? Maybe add something like that to your introduction. I am looking forward to reading more of your story. I want to know how many of Octavio's crew survived and who lured the other giant to the cave. Were they watching Octavio the whole time? I am excited to read the conclusion! Good job!

  7. Hi Wesley!
    I love a good story that involves giants and I'm happy I found a project that tells such a good one. I also loved the names you used, I thought the name Octavio really encompasses the personality of this character who comes across these giants. I would love to know more about Octavio and how he knew so much! I bet that can be conveyed in the authors note in comparison to what sounded like inspiration pulled from the Odysseus and the Cyclops story (If not, totally disregard). One other comment I would make would be to format your website so the introduction and stories are easier to find and have compelling names! I do know someone already may have mentioned that and how to do it, but that would be my only other comment. It looks like you put in so much time and details in telling this story and I appreciate that as the reader. Good job!

  8. Hi Wesley,
    Odysseus’s encounter with the cyclops Polyphemus has always been my favorite story from the Odyssey, so it was fun to read a retelling of that. I feel like based on your second story that these characters have their own setting and that you have written stories on them before. If that is the case, you might want to have an introduction explaining a bit about the sort of world your stories are based in. You mention the sun god is called Sol, is the setting a mythological version of Ancient Rome or are you just using their sun god? This is a small sticking point that I am sure only really bothers me, but why is the name Sol only mentioned once and then afterwards he’s only called “sun god”? I assume this is a polytheist society, there could be multiple gods that are “sun gods” (think Apollo and Sol in the case of Romans). Is Sol only a sun god? Or is he a god of healing as well (like Apollo and Helios)? Polytheists do not think of their gods as having strict domains, which is why the gods are typically referred to by multiple epithets. If you would like to use an epithet for Sol, he is also called Sol Invictus, meaning “The Unconquerable Sun.” “Torch Bearer” is an epithet of Helios, and Phoebus (Bright) is an epithet of Apollo. I apologize for the rant. As a polytheist I find it a little obvious when fantasy writers are not polytheists and are writing settings with multiple gods.

  9. Wesley,
    I enjoyed reading your stories. Your characters seem super interesting, and I love the creativity and plot behind the story. Your stories held my attention, and I was looking forward to see what would happen next.This week we were supposed to try to focus on pictures. Your picture in your first story is of a cave. I am assuming that it is the cave where the sleeping giant is found. It would be awesome if you labeled your image with a little description, so the reader can know exactly what it is. Your second story's picture is of some sort of city. I assume it is Lugnica, but I think it would be awesome if you labeled it so I would know for sure. You had also labeled the first story as week three story continued. I thin you could probably remove that or give some context behind it because I wasn't too sure what your week three story was. I know that seems like a lot of suggestions, but they are minor things. Overall, I really did enjoy reading the stories. Octavio seems like a really cool character, and I am very suspicious of Verin. Is Verin going to get revenge on Octavio? I can't wait to find out!

  10. Hi Wesley! Your stories are super creative and definitely caught my eye early on. I have to agree with Landon and some of his suggestions especially as far as the pictures go ^^ I think the only thing you are really missing from your stories are image labels. Help me paint this picture of your story in my mind. They add depth to your stories and I feel like I am actually a part of the stories when I can picture what is happening in my head. I also love the names of your characters. They are very outside of the box. Did you get Octavio from Octavia in the television show the 100? Where did Verin come from? I think with some minor revisions you can have some really awesome stories! Keep up the good work Wesley I look forward to reading more from you!

  11. Wesley,

    I was happy to return to your stories and to see what would happen between Octavio and Verin. Verin definitely comes across as a an evil villain that can never be trusted. I knew that when Verin decided to join Octavio and Silver to explore the dungeon that Verin was most likely up to no good. I thought you were very creative with your stories, and I loved the idea that Octavio was able to obtain the powers/abilities of the creatures that he slays. I also liked how you left your third story on a cliff hanger and mentioned that Octavio was planning to take on Verin in the future. I wonder if Octavio is going to try to gain more powers before facing Verin or if he is planning on facing him as soon as he can. Will Octavio be able to pull out a victory against Verin? I thought you could have spaced out your story a little more by using some more paragraphs. In your third story, you have three main paragraphs. Try to break those up a bit. I think this will allow the reader to follow along better and also help visualize the change of ideas, actions, and setting. Overall, great job!

  12. Hey Wesley,
    Regarding story 3, I like the setup you have of the characters in the beginning. I may recommend breaking this paragraph into more paragraphs, because some of it is furthering character development while other parts are describing what happened in that moment. It could improve visualizing the story and the flow. "He was actually sending some sort of spell", adding a specific spell could help with visualizing and making the moment more clear. I also think this sentence could be reworded to make Fracayus seem more intimidating. Perhaps like "...trap Silver and Octavio with Fracayus. Who was now looming in the entrance to the den." The detail of Verin creating Fracayus is interesting but it disrupts the flow of the impending action. I'm not sure what "got in the course" means nor what is causing the boulders to fall. I do like this action sequence. The thoughts of Octavio during the battle add interesting context to him and help give reason behind his actions. I really like the idea of the sword being able to store abilities. Great story, Wesley! I'm interested to see Octavio vs Verin :).

  13. Hi Wesley! Great job on your portfolio! I like the idea of giant themed stories. They are exciting and filled with battles and quests. I also like how you explained your stories and the origins of them really well in the author's notes. I could definitely draw parallels from the myths you drew off of for each of the stories. I'm curious though, where did Octavio get his knowledge about the giants and other places? Also, is Sol the only god he worships? One suggestion I would make is maybe some dialogue to let us know what the characters think and how they interact with each other. This could add more depth to the story, too. For this week we are also focusing on paragraph structure. In the first story, your first paragraph seems to be single-spaced and then the rest is double. This kind of threw me off a bit while I was reading. For the rest oft he stories, it may help to break some of the longer paragraphs up so that it is aesthetically more pleasing for the reader while they read. Great job on your stories, so far! I can't wait to read more!

  14. Hi Wesley!
    This is the first time I am seeing your Storybook project for this class, and I think you have done an amazing job! I also did my Storybook project on Greek stories, although I focused on the women of The Iliad. I thought your first story sounded a lot like Odysseus’ interaction with the Cyclops, and then I read your Author’s Note and realized you were retelling an adventure of Odysseus in your words and in your style. I like how each story leads to the next one, and they sort of build on each other! Your illustrations were amazing, and really added something extra to the stories you included. I also like how you have the Author’s Note tucked away. It made it easier to read the story without getting any spoilers from the Author’s Note on accident. You did a fantastic job overall! I really enjoyed reading your Storybook project.

  15. Hi Wesley,

    Your formatting of this portfolio is actually really cool! I haven't seen one with the navigations the same as yours! I think it is really interesting. I like that on your front home page you are able to navigate and are told how to utilize the buttons properly as well. I appreciated that you gave the readers the understanding of what they were meant to do with the website. I like the layout of the pages as well! This is really interesting to me because as I read expecting a portfolio, you have actually created a storybook. So I was not aware that the stories connected! In that case I would encourage you to title your stories so that we as the audience know they are connected rather than three separate stories! I actually think I read another storybook this semester that has been centered around giants as well! You should check it out, I think it is Lewis that is doing that storybook!

  16. Your story really reminds me of a folktale; I love it! Reading through, I felt like I was reading a fairy tale. You've definitely set up some mysteries. Who lured the giants to Octavio's camp? Also, Silver shares her last name with the name of the Kingdom. Is she royalty?

    In your most recent story, I like how you've created a villain that Octavio will need to work up to. Having your hero gain the powers of the foes that he has defeated is a great idea! It really allows you to utilize different strategies when writing about their conflicts. No two fights will be the same if he always has something new in his arsenal.

    I hope that we will be able to learn more about Silver and her backstory in the next installment! Either way, though, great job and good luck with the rest of the writing.


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